How Does One Know When They Are Being Authentic? It’s often when the body and your thoughts (mind) are in tandem. You actually have to take a moment sometimes and be sure that what you’re thinking in your head is your voice.
What do I mean by that? Over the years, others have provided you with their narratives about who you are—how you live your life, how you respond, and so much more. You’ve been given opinions and a lens through which to view yourself and others.
What if, for a minute, when something important registers, you sit with it and see if it’s your voice—or a narrative someone gave you that you’ve used as your default code?
This is what’s called a Gestalt technique, where you give that non-congruent voice a name and actually pull it outside of yourself, sitting it in another chair. This way, that voice is differentiated and labeled for who it truly belongs to. You can then sort through and choose not to adopt the voice of others.
Gestalt was a German psychologist who practiced this technique with many of his clients.
Let’s look at it through my lens as an example: I like to smile at people. Not everyone will appreciate my radiance in the moment—LOL! I do not care. When my heart meets my eyes and my lips… I smile. Nine times out of ten, people will actually smile back. Or, in today’s climate, maybe seven—and that’s great!
I’ve had others say to me, “You might want to tone that down or dial it back. Not everyone likes that.” Well, I’m sorry—that’s my authenticity. It’s how I feel and how I think. It’s part of my language of human connection. It’s how I initially tell if someone will match my energy. I cannot change what others think about me; if I did, I would be inauthentic.
Sometimes, in conversation, someone might say something and I’ll pause and ask myself, Do I believe that? Is that who I am? In that split-second pause, I can feel whether it aligns with my core values and who I am. If not, I make a mental note to myself: You don’t believe that. This is my self-talk to reinforce my authenticity internally.
The more you check in with yourself, practice a pause, and cultivate self-dialogue, the closer you become to who you truly are.
Practice this when reading media, a book, or listening to a podcast. As you reflect on the dialogue, get to know how youthink and feel about the world around you. Sit in reflection. Journal about your opinions and feelings.
It’s through closeness with self that you can then truly connect to others.