Brené Brown’s new book, Strong Ground, there’s a statement that I knew to be true but had never taken a deep dive into—until now. She writes, “We are neurobiologically hardwired for connection, and without connection, there is suffering.”
I want to explore this further, and it may take more than this one blog to do so. The statement itself is 100 percent true. We seek ways to feel united—with friends, family, co-workers, and spiritually. It’s when we are with others yet not connected, or when we have people in our lives but lack meaningful connection, that loneliness and suffering take root.
The question then becomes: How do we experience connection—and how do we label the experiences we have with others?
Humans spend much of their lives seeking relationships for the opportunity to connect. We place those connections in a hierarchy, creating levels of meaning among those we perceive as closest to us. When someone in that hierarchy doesn’t live up to our expectations, we experience an internal narrative about it—and that can lead to emotions that reduce or inhibit connection.
This can manifest in many ways emotionally, but one thing is certain: we often react in ways that either widen or attempt to reduce that feeling, thereby impacting connection. When this becomes a pattern, we may push people away or remove them from our lives, unintentionally increasing our suffering. Sometimes this happens because the relationship is unhealthy. Other times, it’s because we’ve tried to fill loneliness or end suffering through a relationship that wasn’t a true connection.
What’s important to begin unpacking is our internal narrative around relationships and connection—and to understand what real connections we want in our lives, those that bring joy, meaning, and authenticity.
The hard part is that our world rarely provides the space to develop the meaningful connections we seek. We often create quick connections instead of quality ones because of time constraints, lack of intention, or fear of vulnerability.
To shape meaningful connections, we have to hold space, practice listening, and learn to both give and receive energy in a positive way—without judgment.
So how do we practice this?
Start by making time for someone you want a deeper relationship with. Sit and listen. Offer reflection, not advice. Be mindful and fully present in the moment. Above all else, don’t tie the interaction to an outcome.
This is the place to start—by practicing the flow of connection, not mastering it.
More to come on this subject…